The day I met John the Baptist.

About 23 months into my LDS mission, I was stationed in a little town called Winnfield, Louisiana. It was my last area as I was training a new missionary. I was right at the sunset of my mission. I had worked hard for 23 months and had really put a lot of time into my studies. I felt good, I had been very obedient, and had a confidence that I think that most missionaries feel after nearly two years in the service of the Lord. I, at the time was about a month into training a new missionary from northern Utah. This young man came from a very wealthy upbringing. (His dad was the former owner of Price Savers, and at the time was the Executive V.P. For Walmart.) In the first month of his training he had lost 15 lbs. and was really picking up a good work ethic and took natural to the missionary work.
One day we were out knocking on doors and came to this large home. It was an old plantation home but it was in the hood. And like most old plantation homes in the area, had been converted into slum housing. Each bedroom became a tiny apartment, usually housing crack addicts and dealers. My companion hadn't quite become accustomed to the slums and was a little on edge as we knocked on the first door. After a couple of knocks a skinny black gentleman came to the door, he looked to be in his late-30's. He invited us in. The room was small and only had one chair. There was a bed and a small dresser and that was it. As I walked in I noticed a small 3" long metal tube about the diameter of a radio antenna with black electrical tape rapped around one end the other end had what looked like a piece of steel wool sticking out of it. From previous "hood" living I recognised it to be a crack pipe and knew that we were in for quite a discussion. I sat down on the chair and my comp sat down on the bed next to the black man. As we began the discussion the man stopped us and said:"Y'all don't know who I am do you". I said: "no we don't", He said: "look closer at me". I looked closer and said: "sorry nothings coming to mind" "Come on, look closer, y'all know who I am" I tell him:"I'm pretty good with faces, and I think it's safe to say that I really don't know you". He said: "Its me, John" "John"? "You know, John the Baptist". I looked at my comp, and I could tell he was getting a little uncomfortable. I mean who wouldn't feel uncomfortable, sitting on a small bed just inches away from some crack head who thought he was John the Baptist. I kind of smiled, stood up, reached on top of the dresser and grabbed the crack pipe and said, "tell me John, what does Jesus think about you smoking crack?" John kind of looked at me with his mouth open and said, Uhhhhhhh. I looked at my comp. and could tell he was really getting nervous, as he shifted himself to the edge of the bed. "You ain't gonna tell anyone are you?" John said. "No, I'm not going to tell anyone, but I am going to take your crack pipe." John just sat stunned. I asked John if he had any crack on him, because I needed that too. He said no, I don't have anymore. I said "John, this is a real problem, and we really want to help you, what other habits do you have that you need to quit?". "Well, I smoke." "Give me your smokes then", he handed me his pack of Bronco Lights 100's. "I want your lighter too". "Awwwww, can't I have my lighter, neither?" "Nope give it too me." He handed me his lighter. I pack my newly acquired goods into my scripture case, and said "John, your gonna need a lot of help, what other problems do we need to fix"? John scoots a little closer to my nervous and fidgeting companion, "Well, I am attracted to other mens!" Like a lightning bolt my companion, jumps up, looks at me and says "WE GOTTA GO, ELDER RIDDLE, I AIN'T SITTING HERE ANY MORE!" I really started to enjoy myself watching that, and said to my comp, just messing with him, "Elder, sit down, we have got to help this poor man." (Thinking of how glad I was that I wasn't sitting on the bed). My comp reluctantly sat down, and shot me a look that was a combination of a glare and a cry for help.
Almost immediately as my comp. sat down, I heard a ruckus in the hall of the old plantation home, dogs barking, a large slam, some muffled yelling and in the middle of all the yelling I could hear POLICE! I instantly realised that the room next door was experiencing a drug raid, and there I sat (not so smug anymore) with John the Baptist's crack pipe in my scripture case. I suddenly took on the fear of my new companion. I jumbled around in my scripture case for the crack pipe, stood up put the pipe on the dresser and said: "you can have this back, were getting out of here". John gave me a worried look as I walked to the door, as I looked down the hall, I could see that the coast was clear, so I turned around grabbed the crack pipe, looked at John and said "I think I will take this", thrust it into my pocket, and my comp and I took off to our bikes. As we walked to our bikes we passed a cop walking up towards the house, I got a little nervous but realising as we walked by the cop that he had no interest in a couple of Mormon missionaries, I felt better, and was glad that I grabbed the crack pipe after all. My comp and I jumped onto our bikes and drove away to the woods to dispose of the pipe. When we got to the woods I pulled the crack pipe out, we inspected it a little while I teased my comp for being so scared of the phony gay John. My comp smiled with a little relief on his face as we threw the crack pipe into the woods. "Back to work" I said with a smile, and we headed off into the sunset to save more souls.