Jack Mormons

Ever since I have lived in Wyoming, when people find out I am a Mormon, I occasionally get asked the question: Are you a Jack Mormon or a good Mormon? I always answer with the question: What is your definition of a Jack Mormon? I usually get a few different definitions. From what I understand, the term "Jack Mormon" originated by a Popular Mormon boxer by the name of Jack Dempsey. Jack Dempsey was an world class boxer back in the 1920's. A phrase that he was famous for was: "I'm proud be a Mormon, but ashamed to be a Jack Mormon", hence the term "Jack Mormon" was born. The term "Jack Mormon" has been used throughout the years to refer to those of the LDS faith that don't live the teachings of the church. The question is what Mormon out there is able to live all of the teachings of the church? I would submit that if a Jack Mormon is a Mormon that doesn't live all of the teachings of the church, then we are all Jack Mormons. If I remember right Jesus was the only one who was able to live a sinless life. I know a few people that refer to Jack Mormons as those Mormons that may take a taste of alcohol or smoke cigarettes. Those are outward sins and hard to hide. What about sins that are easy to hide. Like Pride, Not loving our neighbor, Lying, Backbiting, etc. What if our sins carried a smell with them like cigarette smoking, say the more serious the sin the stinkier. I would rather be the guy that smokes than the lady that looks down on the guy that smokes. I would rather be the guy that drinks a beer at night than the guy that hates his neighbor. I would rather be the guy that drinks a coke for lunch than the lady that talks about how great she is because she doesn't drink coke. Or I would rather be the high school kid that drinks beer around the campfire with his buddies than the seminary council kid that sleeps around but would never hang out with the party kids because they are bad.
Lately I have thought about how judgemental people can be and it bugs the heck out of me. Take the lady from Provo (or Spanish Fork or wherever, I mean it's just an example), she doesn't break the word of wisdom, she doesn't drink Cokes, she doesn't watch TV on Sunday. She is perfect in her minds eye. She just cant believe that people would ever do such abominable things as drink Coke or watch TV on Sundays. Just Horrible. She, in her minds eye is perfect. And because she is without sin she is able to cast the first stone on those other heavy sinners who are with sin. She is the first to rush judgement and blackball people who sin outwardly because she lives so good. Her pride in herself makes Terrel Owens seem humble. If she could showboat every time she drinks sprite instead of a Pepsi she would. I mean it drives me crazy. I think that there are a lot of people out there that drive people, (who may have a little word of wisdom problem or may have a hard time with a few of the commandments) away from the church, just because they are so quick to judge and look down on those that may not be as good at keeping their favorite commandments. So my definition of a Jack Mormon is a Mormon who judges other Mormons who don't live the simple commandments that they are outwardly living. I think a Jack Mormon is a Mormon who makes others not want to be a Mormon because of how they live their life. That is a Jack Mormon to me. I hope I am not a Jack Mormon. The neat thing about Wyoming is I don't see a lot of Jack Mormons, I see a lot of good members of the LDS faith trying to live the best they can while helping others and loving others. Isn't that what it is all about? When Jesus was asked, What is the greatest commandment, he said: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, the second is like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." I think that sometimes we get so caught up in the little easy things that we forget the important big things.

Personally, I wish we were all judged by our fishing skills, then I would have it made. :) Here are a couple of fish that I caught last week. (That Humility thing is a hard thing to live sometimes).

What I am really thinking.

Today, I went home for lunch and my wife said that she was talking to one of her friends, and her friend asked if I hated her. That is a question I think that at least half of my wife's many friends have asked her: Does Dave hate me? I would like to address this in case you are one of my wifes many friends that wonder If I hate you. I think that I will answer that in a round about way, first by explaining what I am, in general, thinking about.
Jeff Foxworthy, in one of his shows, talks about how women always say: "I just wish I knew what he was thinking". And he proceeds to tell the world what men in general are thinking, if women are really wondering. He said what we are really thinking is: "I want a beer, and I want to see something naked." He explains, that is what we are really thinking. I agree to a certain point that that is what we are really thinking. I think the point that he was trying to make is that we are really not that complex. Now I think that I may be a little less complex than the average man. Partly due to my religion. My religion doesn't allow me to drink beer and it isn't really fond of me seeing a lot of things naked. So I try to keep my baser thoughts under control. So perhaps that makes me a little less complex than the average man. So if I am not thinking about wanting a beer or seeing something naked, then maybe I am not really thinking about anything. So if you come up to me and say Hi. and I say Hi back, I actually mean Hi. If you ask me how I am doing and I say fine, I actually mean that I am fine. If I ask you what's wrong and you are a woman and say nothing... Then I am going to act like I really believe that there is nothing wrong. (I know there is something wrong because I am smart enough to know that when a woman says nothing is wrong that something is wrong, I just really don't want to dig into it.) I hope you get the point, I don't talk in code. I think that I am probably as good as anyone with reading body language and facial expressions, I just choose not to. (With the exception of my Wife and family or if a church calling requires it.) I think that it is my responsibility to respond to their emotional needs. Now back to my wifes friends. I want to explain something. As you know my wife is a good woman, she is sweet and caring and would do anything for her friends. She is a good listener and a good talker. I am not a good listener or a good talker. I hope that you understand that I am not even an iota as caring or nice as my wife. If you come up to me and ask me about scrapbooking or what my thoughts were on the latest Becky Higgins item are and I am talking to someone about fishing, I will probably, inadvertantly blow you off. I may think that you are the neatest person in the world, I just don't want to talk about scrapbooking, I don't want to talk about emotional situations, and I dont want to talk about feminine problems. I'm sorry, those thing just don't do it for me.
In conclusion, please don't think I hate you. I really don't, in fact I probably think quite highly of you. If you want to go fishing with me or hunting with me or even watch TV with me you are more than welcome (as long as the conversation is limited to grunts, burps, laughs, farts, and a maybe a couple of holy craps). If you are having real problems and need real help in any area besides scrapbooking and feminine problems I will be happy to help in anyway, because I really don't hate you. In fact I think highly of you because you think highly of a person that I call my wife and that means something to me. So fricken leave me alone.

Women

Women. I titled this blog Women because I want to address the subject of Women. I will be the first to say that I do not understand Women. But I think that I would like to show a little courage today and address this subject. Though complex, I would like to share my perspective on what I don't understand about women. I know that I am a simple man, and I know that this task may have a backlash that perhaps I am not quite aware of yet but I think that I will discuss the things that I dont know. So I will name Eight things that I don't know about Women and as a disclaimer, I will say that I am married to the perfect woman and none of these apply to her, I am speaking of women collectively and not individually.

1. I don't know how women can have simple interactions with each other and turn it into something complex. I run into one of my friends, I say hey, he says hey back thats it. A women runs into one of her friends and says hey, the other on says hey back, ten seconds later one woman is worrying if she should have said more, and the other woman is worrying why the other woman said hey the way she did.

2. I don't know where they got sugar and spice and everything nice. Thats not true. I will submit that Women are 1000 times meaner than men. When Women fight with each other they fight dirty. Men may punch each other in the noses, but women damage each others emotions, that can be permanant. I'd take snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. Thats just temporary damage.

3. I don't know why women cant give orders, or take orders from other women. There is an art to both, and sometimes we all need to do both.

4. I don't know why womens magazines have articles on how to please their man. Iv'e got news, we aren't that hard to please.

5. I don't know why women have to read romantic books or watch romantic movies to feel romantic. I think that a decent burp from their man should be enough.

6. I don't know why women ask us if they look fat in something. We will probably never tell you that something makes you look fat. Only the dumb men will ever venture there and they will only do it once.

7. I don't know why women would ever watch a show like Hope Floats. It doesn't make you feel good and there is no one naked in it.

8. Finally, I don't know why women give men the silent treatment. I'll share a little secret, we like the silent treatment. You may think that is just as effective as the look, its not. Yeah the look, you know what I mean, that doesn't work that good either. Stick with crying, that always works.

I welcome any answers to my I don't know why's. Perhaps that will make me a more understanding man. Speaking of Women, I get mine back today and I am pretty excited.:)

Friday

Once again Friday has come and I have found myself lacking in the blog department. I have been alone for the past few days, Cindy and Zach left me for Utah, for 10 days and so I am bacheloring it. My dog wasn't doing very well so I took him to the vet and he went under the knife. He is doing pretty good now. I think that he will be good for hunting season which is coming up before I know it. In fact with my bachelorness I have spent a little time watching the deer. Last night after work I dressed up in camo and watched and found some nice deer. Got me pretty excited. I can't say that I'm not lonely as hell. I miss my Wife and little boy, but it is nice to have a little time to relax and think about life and the important things like the bowhunt starting September 1st. I lined out a Lg mouth Bass Fishing trip tomorrow at a private pond for Stinky Pockets and I, It should be a good time. I think that the pond is pretty good. Its all private. The guy used to charge a lot of money to fish there so It should be good. Last night I ate corn and squash from my own garden and I decided that I am going to try to live for the next month on only things that I Grew, Killed, or Caught. I have a crapload of squash, some corn, tomatoes and peppers. My freezer is still partially full of Elk, deer, and antelope. I think that it will be good for me. I guess the only exception is pop. I think that I will have to slowly ween myself of Diet Drinks. I like that crap too much. I think that will be good for me. I think that my body needs a break from un-natural ingredients. I think to keep myself accountable I will have to Log, everyday my eating on the Blog.

After a little thought and reading some of my blog I have decided that it is important for me to have my wife around. I think that my already-low sanity level drops about 3 points below sanity when I am alone.

This is a picture of my redneck water tank crew for your viewing pleasure. Check out the one dude with his shirt off. I think that I could make a pretty good case for evolution. They are all from Southern Ohio, pretty funny guys. It seems like I have a special connection with rednecks. Perhaps I are one.

Today's Ramblings

I have written 3 posts but haven't posted them yet because I don't think that I am quite finished with them. Maybe I am finished with some of them just unsure if I should post them.
I am taking some of my young men from church fishing tonight. We will be catching perch and having a fish fry at the lake. I think that it will be a good time. Maybe I can even take a few pictures.
Man, My life seem like a blur. I don't know where my time has gone. I don't think that I have wasted it, and perhaps because I am so busy that is what makes it seem like a blur. I am glad that I am not busy just because of work. I am glad that I am busy doing things that I think I am supposed to do. I think that if I didn't I might have regrets.
My dog got bit by a rattlesnake. His face is all puffed up. I will have to post a few pictures. He was in pretty rough shape at first but he is doing good now. The swelling hasn't gone down very much, but he is strong again and wanting to play. I think that he is liking the attention. Living in the house. Eating food from a can. Penicillin shots twice a day. Elk burger once a day. I wouldn't be surprised if after he gets better if he goes out and gets bit again just for the lifestyle. Crazy dog. I'm glad he didn't die on me. I don't know If I would have taken that very well.
Who do you think would win in a fight, Ozzy or Lita Ford?
I think that my money would be on Lita.
Well, I guess I am done rambling.
Maybe,
I have been getting horrendous nightmares lately. I wonder if I am going nuts. Or nuttser. I already know that I am nuts. Is there a word for the step after nuts? If there is I think that I am there.
This is a picture of a big buck that I saw. The pic kind of stinks. Just take my word for it. It is a big buck!

Runaway

When I was a little boy, probably around 9 or 10 I decided that I would run away. I don't think that it was provoked by anything or any anger towards my parents or my family. I think that I had just finished reading the book, My side of the Mountain and decided that I would try running away to see if I could make it on my own. There was something appealing about running away, making a hut and surviving just to see if I could. I knew that doing this would take some planning so I thought about where I would go and what I would bring. I packed my little red backpack that had my name on it. (A backpack that at one time held a 72 hour kit that our family put together for a family home evening or something.) I packed a canteen, a shirt (I think it was my favorite color country wrestling shirt, (I wonder if I still have that?)), A pair of rustler jeans, some undies, matches, socks, a pocket knife and a canteen. I decided that I didn't need any food, I would just have to get used to killing what I ate. So I grabbed my bag, and headed out. It was about 2:30 PM. I headed down the street and made a left up the street to a place that the neighborhood kids called "The Fields". I knew the spot that I would go. My spot had a large population of prairie dogs, and I had gotten close to them a few times and knew with some skill I could kill them and survive. When I arrived at the calculated location, I decided that I would first have to kill dinner. I was hungry already and I knew that I could whip up a survival shelter in a matter of about an hour. So I found a long stick and took out my pocket knife and sharpened carefully the end to make a spear. This only took about 25 minutes because I was quite skillful with the knife. After a few practice throws I felt that I was ready for the hunt.
Upon arrival to the prairie dog town I was greeted with the usual prairie dog chirps. After closely scanning the area, I found a mound with a large dog. A large tasty prairie dog. A large tasty prairie dog that was going to get a sharp stick thrown through its insides, skinned, gutted, cooked and wolfed down into my empty stomach.
I slowly crept up to the mound and the dog disappeared. That was OK, I was familiar with prairie dogs and knew that If I sat still eventually the dog would come up. So I stood still with my arm cocked back, the dog hole in range of my spear of death. I was waiting. Saliva leaked from the side of my mouth. (Not because I was hungry, I kind of slobbered a lot when I was a kid). I waited, and I waited. I waited for what I felt was an eternity, but in reality was probably 20 minutes. All of a sudden I saw fur, just about a quarter of an inch of prairie dog head. I knew he was breathing his last breath. Eyes, nose, mouth, body. He was mine. I threw that spear with the speed of Nolan Ryan. As it left the tip of my fingers, I felt overcome with excitement, until a brief millisecond later I realized that I had missed. All that waiting and I missed that damn prairie dog. I walked over to my spear, inspected it and threw it to the ground. I decided that I would have to plan a little better if I was going to survive on my own. So I grabbed my backpack and headed for home. I arrived home around 4:00 PM. I don't think anyone noticed that I moved out. So I grabbed a bowl of cereal and turned on the TV. I decided to run away another day.

I thought it was kind of funny, here I am 20 years later, I have found that I have run away again, not for any particular reason, maybe to see if I could do it. Just a different field this time, and am still hunting those damn prairie dogs. I am having the time of my life. It just took about 20 years of planning.
On a side note, it didn't hurt to get a hot wife to come along for company. She's kind of my consultant.