What I am really thinking.

Today, I went home for lunch and my wife said that she was talking to one of her friends, and her friend asked if I hated her. That is a question I think that at least half of my wife's many friends have asked her: Does Dave hate me? I would like to address this in case you are one of my wifes many friends that wonder If I hate you. I think that I will answer that in a round about way, first by explaining what I am, in general, thinking about.
Jeff Foxworthy, in one of his shows, talks about how women always say: "I just wish I knew what he was thinking". And he proceeds to tell the world what men in general are thinking, if women are really wondering. He said what we are really thinking is: "I want a beer, and I want to see something naked." He explains, that is what we are really thinking. I agree to a certain point that that is what we are really thinking. I think the point that he was trying to make is that we are really not that complex. Now I think that I may be a little less complex than the average man. Partly due to my religion. My religion doesn't allow me to drink beer and it isn't really fond of me seeing a lot of things naked. So I try to keep my baser thoughts under control. So perhaps that makes me a little less complex than the average man. So if I am not thinking about wanting a beer or seeing something naked, then maybe I am not really thinking about anything. So if you come up to me and say Hi. and I say Hi back, I actually mean Hi. If you ask me how I am doing and I say fine, I actually mean that I am fine. If I ask you what's wrong and you are a woman and say nothing... Then I am going to act like I really believe that there is nothing wrong. (I know there is something wrong because I am smart enough to know that when a woman says nothing is wrong that something is wrong, I just really don't want to dig into it.) I hope you get the point, I don't talk in code. I think that I am probably as good as anyone with reading body language and facial expressions, I just choose not to. (With the exception of my Wife and family or if a church calling requires it.) I think that it is my responsibility to respond to their emotional needs. Now back to my wifes friends. I want to explain something. As you know my wife is a good woman, she is sweet and caring and would do anything for her friends. She is a good listener and a good talker. I am not a good listener or a good talker. I hope that you understand that I am not even an iota as caring or nice as my wife. If you come up to me and ask me about scrapbooking or what my thoughts were on the latest Becky Higgins item are and I am talking to someone about fishing, I will probably, inadvertantly blow you off. I may think that you are the neatest person in the world, I just don't want to talk about scrapbooking, I don't want to talk about emotional situations, and I dont want to talk about feminine problems. I'm sorry, those thing just don't do it for me.
In conclusion, please don't think I hate you. I really don't, in fact I probably think quite highly of you. If you want to go fishing with me or hunting with me or even watch TV with me you are more than welcome (as long as the conversation is limited to grunts, burps, laughs, farts, and a maybe a couple of holy craps). If you are having real problems and need real help in any area besides scrapbooking and feminine problems I will be happy to help in anyway, because I really don't hate you. In fact I think highly of you because you think highly of a person that I call my wife and that means something to me. So fricken leave me alone.